In the 2nd day of the Triduum of Don Bosco, I pray for the graces to never tire of serving the young and to follow the footsteps of Don Bosco in complete trust in Our Lady, Help of Christians.
Today begins the Salesian Discernment Weekend, and I pray and hope that many vocations many be discovered and strengthened there.
Today for recreation we made paper-mache piñatas and will let them dry, so that Thursday we can paint them. It was such a wonderful and liberating experience to channel my excessive creative energy and just plain get dirty energy, which tends to build up around here.
The Provincial also arrived today, which is so wonderful and exciting. I get to have a chat with her on Thursday, which I am looking forward too. I am still learning little by little that God sends so many people to cross our path and guide us in the right direction.
I’m hoping that she can help me to clarify and express some of the things I’m feeling about the issues in my family. In one way it has been hard seeing how much pain and discord my dad has caused our family, but in another way life has been so much more peaceful not having to worry about him or his moods or his looming awkward presence. All of this seems like it would be so contradictory, but I know that through all difficulties come blessings and without suffering we cannot be saints.
Many things to mull over, and definitely lots of things to filter through as I continue my vocational discernment.
I’ve been contemplating a lot of things lately…families and how DYSFUNCTIONAL they can be; Love and it’s many forms of expression or lack there of; and friendship, which evolves and transforms without you even knowing it.
Just a thought.
This seems to be my constant reminder. I feel like I’m in a boat, with no oars, and there is a raging storm…and of course…Jesus is asleep on my boat. The only thing that’s left is for Him to wake up and tell me “O, you woman of so little faith.”
I feel like I am in the mouth of God being chewed up, only to them be spit back out again. Or severely tested in the scorching fire so that God can hit me, and hit me, and hit me, over and over again until I am the shape that He wants me.
This image comes to my mind: Play-dough or clay in a kindergardeners hands… hmmmmm Imagine that for a while and think of how that might feel if you were the dough or clay. jajajja THAT is how I feel.
During my stay at Corralitos, I had the opportunity to help in the chapel duties, i.e. cleaning and chores. So, Sr. Silvia, who is absolutely wonderful needed my help in cleaning the closet with all of the candles and candle holders.
When I finished organizing the candles by size order, as well as the holders and the flower vases, she had me cut the candles at the tops, so that the flame would show. I took the candles and went to the kitchen where I would heat a dull knife and then procede to cut the candle easily, by melting the wax as I cut. It was a tedious task, as I had to wait for the knife to be sufficiently heated before taking it to the candles, or else I wouldn’t get very far and it was more difficult to cut through the wax. I cut about 12-13 candles before I was given an old and broken Easter candle, which needed to be cut down. This was the most trying candle, since it is thick, and I needed to cut both ends. So, as my patience had already definitely been tried, and I had been standing for almost 4 hours at the corner of the stove and a little table, I was tired and not very patient. This Easter candle taught me so much about myself and how to be patient. When I would try to hurry, it made things worse, and when I did them right, things were easy. Standing over the flame of the stove heating and reheating the knife reminded me of the parable told by Jesus about being tested in fire
As we begin this Advent Journey, I have been reflecting on this new year, this new waiting, this new chapter of our lives. So many different things to which we are called this Advent season. On this day, the feast of St. Andrew, I am challenged to live the gospel radically and hear my calling to be a fisher of men in a society who does not want to learn how to fish, but only to be given fish to eat.
If you didn’t understand that, then take a moment to reflect on what it means to know how to fish. What is the importance of knowing how to catch for food, and be able to sustain yourself? What if you didn’t know how to find food, or hunt, or fish (when fish is your main source of sustinance)?
We are so willing and ready to be given food, for the convenience and ease, but what are the reprocussions? When there is no food, and we have to fend for ourselves, what then…it is best if we learned how to fish rather than take for granted that someone will always give us what we need (on a platter).
Now what does Jesus mean when he says I will make you fishers of men? HMMMMMMM
So, while cleaning the stairs leading up to the St. Joseph statue, I had a wonderful reflection moment.
While looking at the stairs, filled with pine needles, and the immense height, which seemed never ending, I was wondering if I had gotten myself into something bigger than I could take on. The first 5 or so stairs weren’t so bad, but as I ascended the stairs, they each had more and more pine needles. The drizzle began to come down a little harder, and the cool wind picked up. Once I reached about midway, I realized that there was a step that was made of three planks of wood. I turned back, to look downward and realize the long way that I had come, and the progress I had made in the short time. It made me remember the past couple of years and all the time that I had spent in ministry with the Hispanic Young adults, and all of the challenges and difficulties, all of joys and wonderful times. It reminded me of my vocational journey and all of the work God has done in me so far, to clean me, and prepare my own path.
I turned back to the rest of the stairs, which stilled seemed like such a long way up. I thought of heaven and my journey, and found a connection between the stairs and myself.
In working my way up the stairs, taking patient care of each step and the way in which I cleaned it, I thought of how God has put in so much care and patience, and love into molding and cleaning and preparing me for this journey.
As I got higher and higher up, the steps were harder and harder to clean. I figure, God is giving me a heads up on what I can expect in my journey. But also received great consolation in the fact that, all of the steps, which I cleaned in the beginning strengthened and prepared me to clean the steps on the top. So, in all of this time, I learned some truly valuable insights into myself.
There are a few things I must always do: learn and grow as I go along, taking with me the fond memories of joy and gladness and strenghthening myself by the grace of the Holy Spirit with the moments that challenge me; look back and always remember the road I have already walked, to give me strength and guidance for the road ahead; NEVER forget to turn around, and not dwell on the past but hope with faith, in the future; and always pray for the grace of perseverence so that while looking ahead I do not become overwhelmed or afraid of what might come, but go forward with the faith and hope that God has prepared me and will continue to prepare me until I reach Heaven.
We must keep our focus, I must keep mine, and you must keep yours, set our sights on Heaven and learn from every experience we have, that God is ALWAYS preparing and teaching us in ways unexpected.
I would have never guessed that a simple act of cleaning stairs would have turned into a meditation and personal encounter with God.
These are two songs which have really impacted my life lately, and express very well what is going on inside of myself. The wonderful thing about being in formation is: the challenges which we face, day-to-day, make us stronger, and mold us into the person Christ wishes us to be…i.e. the best version of ourselves.
Side note: I’m reading “The Rhythm of Life” by Matthew Kelley for Spiritual Reading and IT IS WONDERFUL!!!!! I recommend it to everyone!! As well as “The Shack” which I finally finished reading, and it was Awesome!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMmOO6-PCVw
Like a child I’ll take You at Your word
As these mountains of doubt, they fade away
I’m longing to trust and love You more
So for me this is beautiful
A brand new thought, and a brand new world
Can I stay here forever here with You?
I’ve lost sight of what first drew me
To the love that pursued me
The joy that inspired my song
The friendship that was all I knew
The arms that I would fall into
Seem miles and years from where I am today
I got to get back to where it all began
When I would wait for only You
Can I stay here forever
Here with you?
Surrounded by Your mercy
Clothed in Your truth
Always, I’ll stay
Always here with You
Can I be here forever
Here with You?
Can I know what it’s like
To deeply love You?
Always, Lord, let me stay
Always, here with You
Let not this heart be troubled,
but let it rest in you
For with you, every sorrow will be washed away.
Let not my mind be burdened,
but set it free with truth,
for every care is lost in understanding grace.
Jesus, I trust in you…
As you gave up yourself, Lord
into your father’s hands,
so let me give myself to all that is your will.
And as you emptied yourself,
fulfill Love’s perfect plan,
let me be emptied that my life might be fulfilled.
Jesus, I trust in you…
This past week, I began my first real week of assistant teaching in the Salesian Elementary School. It has been awesome so far.
There are so many things that I am learning. It has been awesome, yet at the same time, challenging, trying, testing, joyous, satisfying, and so many other emotions and feelings all rolled up into one. We went on a field trip to the National History Museum, the Science Center, and IMAX. I had a group of 3 girls…and we roamed the halls and exhibits and enjoyed ourselves completely. The IMAX movie was a little above their head, but pretty enjoyable.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6816779045697001232#
Here is a trailer from when it showed in New York. It’s a movie from 1995, so it is interesting to see the differences from then to now.
I had so much fun with them, and then yesterday I substituted the same class. It was a challenge, but I liked it, and learned a lot from it.
Hopefully I can get better and better as I learn more each class. It also is helping me to see my love for the classroom and the qualities of an FMA.
