“Shepherd me O God, beyond my wants, beyond my fears, from Death into Life” Song by Marty Haugen based on Psalm 23
Psalm 23: 2-3
The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack. In green pastures you let me graze; to safe waters you lead me; you restore my strength. You guide me along the right path for the sake of your name.
In reflection on this weekend, also being Good Shepherd Sunday, I must admit how true this Psalm is for me. At Mass on Sunday the choir used Marty Haugen’s composition of Psalm 23 for the Responsorial Psalm and it just struck me so much. It uses a different spin on the Psalm and really just hit me and became my prayer. There are so many things right now; distractions, temptations, etc. that are keeping me living is a spirit of Lent. I don’t think I have fully accepted Jesus Resurrection yet. It’s not that I don’t believe He is alive…more that I haven’t embraced His resurrection as my own.
There are things in my life that I want and can’t have or won’t have. On my recent home visit I was so excited to be home, and to see my friends. There was this excitement and joy that raced through my body as I saw them come toward me and it elevated my soul. We talked all night just about. Not about one thing in particular, but many things. Some asked me questions about my vocation, about my beliefs, what I’ve learned and what I’ve expereinced…how I got here and how I was able to come to terms with leaving everything behind. It really is such a difficult decision to choose between two ultimately GOOD things. My soul was filled as I shared with them what I have encountered, what my journey has been like and how I’ve grown. During these conversations my eyes where open so many times. Realizing in those moments that what I was saying, was truly what I needed to hear myself and it was as if God was using my own words to re-affirm my own vocation and my calling. It felt so great, so energizing. I felt re-charged as I sat there and stared at the open land, feeling the cool breeze brush against my face, knowing that God was there beside me. It’s so much easier to identify with a Good Shepherd when I’m in a field and can imagine grazing and being led along the path. The field can be so many places for me (in this instance it was literally a field) but it was also the field in which I worked for so long…Jornadas, my parish, my family. Those known fields in my life are easier to go back to and work in again and again.
It was hard to come back to California…not that I didn’t constantly think about my community or companions, or the work we’re doing. They were always on my mind. It just surprised me that upon coming back I did not encounter the same loving recieving as I did on my visit, nor did I greet everyone and everything with the same joyful emotion bursting from within. It was as if my spark was smothered by the memory of each moment with those I love. There was such joy and peace in each encounter, and it was the exact opposite coming back. So, when I heard this Psalm sung, it truly is my prayer, as if God was speaking directly to my heart and soul…saying, “let me guide you, and I will bring you out of this. I will take you from this state of death into life, my life. Trust in me and I will give you the strength you need to continue to follow my path.” It was a great moment of consolation and peace followed by the greatest example of Love, the Eucharist. I pray that God may be my all! My Good Shepherd!
